Jose Melendez takes time out from his keys to the game tonight to report:

A Red Sox fan in Jose's program revealed to Jose yesterday that her English-American Catholic brother named his son Kapler, in honor of Gabe Kapler, "The World's Most Perfectly Sculpted Jew."

At first Jose was going to write about how this had to have been the first goyish child on earth named after Gabe Kapler. But then Jose thought about it and realized, that this is probably the first child anywhere named after Kapler. The only people who would likely want to name their kid after him would be Jews, but Jews famously, do not name their children after living people. To do so, is extremely bad luck for the person from whom the name is taken. Which raises an important question: Why does Jose's classmate's brother want Gabe Kapler to die? ...

Yes, the Hebrew Hammer is back in town; Kristen spots him at the Coolidge Corner Clubhouse:

... We theorized that he was popping in to check the score so that he'd know how to gauge the mood of noted Packers fan Tiffany Ortiz before ducking over to the Ortiz residence to hang with Papi. Probably a wise move on his part. ...

Bruce Allen links to the latest.

The Boston Blogger has the bestest stupidest Matsuzaka post of the day.

Marty Lieberman, meanwhile, says goodbye to Gabe Kapler:

... The guy gave his all on and off the field. I'll miss watching him at Fenway, but I know the traits I respect about Gabe will make him a great manager. I'm hoping that he will rise up the ranks and return to Yawkey Way one day soon as a Sox coach or as the manager.

And Lewis Forman is embarrassed for the way Gerry Callahan treated Julio Lugo in an interview:

... Red Sox officials should permanently provide ZERO Red Sox players or management for interviews on the Dennis and Callahan show. The best they should get is the guy who cleans the bathrooms after a long doubleheader. It would go with Callahan's idiotic and shitty rants.