Oh, come on, you didn't think I was going to break down and use that new name, did you? In any case: naked butt at the mall tomorrow, according to the MetroWest Daily News, which thoughtfully brackets its press release for the store in question with this sobering warning:

Under the state's open and gross lewdness law, the exposure of the buttocks can be a felony. Much hinges on whether the bottom-baring produces alarm, according to Natick Police Lt. Brian Grassey.

So I guess booty shaking is straight out, because you know how alarming that can be. Still, Lt. Grassey might wish to bone up on Commonwealth vs. Ora, in which the Supreme Judicial Court ruled earlier this year that you can dance naked in the middle of even Harvard Square at noon - as long as you provide adequate advance warning to the easily alarmed.

Things aren't going quite as planned at the uptown section of the Natick Mall (as opposed to the original ghetto wing, the one where you can still buy black-light art), the Globe reports, quoting analysts who blame New Englanders:

... While there is ample wealth in this region - the average household income is about $110,000, nearly double the state average - there is still a culture of buttoned-up Yankees who aren't accustomed to indulgent spending on luxury goods, according to Madison Riley, a retail analyst at Kurt Salmon Associates in Boston. ... "There has been a culture in the Boston area of that Yankee thriftiness, even when one had money," Riley said. "That's changed in the city of Boston but the mentality still resides in the suburbs, and that is impacting Natick." ...

Pahkcah02 reads yesterday's Globe story about the Nouvelle rich holing up in their condo fortress at the Natick Mall so they don't have to worry about mixing with ghastly poor people and she yearns for the days of Old Money, because at least the Brahmins just shut up about their money and actually deigned to acknowledge that their lessers existed:

... I'm pretty proud of the fact that I live in one of the few area of the country that wasn't bombarded with exclusive gated communities during the recent housing boom. While I'm certainly in no position to tell other people how to spend their cash, opting out of a society that in your mind doesn't measure up shouldn't even be on the table. The Nouvelle at Natick is obviously hitting a specific demographic and for a diverse, inclusive community like Natick that should be a very alarming thing. A lot of these folks would be better off in a place where money truly does buy happiness (such as Miami) than holing up in over-priced condo bunkers that this area certainly doesn't need.

Earlier:
It's refreshing to see the Globe finally tackling the issues of everyday people.

How else to explain the live frickin' updates from the opening of the new Natick Mall? Jesus.

... A stone's throw from the state's first Nordstrom department store is Stil, the only local business to be awarded a spot in the new Natick Collection expansion. ...

Oh, and how lucky they must feel!

Ed. nauseous note: Yes, of course, it's no longer the Natick Mall but the Natick Collection of Stuff for the Ruling Class.

The MetroWest Daily News reports that a Framingham woman and three girls are charged with beating a fourth girl into unconsciousness at the Natick Mall:

... Several stores emptied and dozens of people watched as the group beat and stomped the girl near the Dunkin' Donuts and Piercing Pagoda, police said.

"This was an absolute group beat down," said Grassey. "It's an extremely unsettling event. The level of violence in this defies logic." ...

After gacking her way through a Globe report on the orgasmically wonderful Natick Mall (which will feature "a rolling gold sign that is inspired, designers say, by the folds of a women's skirt") and all the things it's doing for Natick, Sharon Machlis Gartenberg wonders when anybody's going to start thinking about the new mega-mall's impact on neighboring Framingham:

... Traffic will obviously affect Framingham roads, unless all the SUVs and other vehicles coming from points west are helicoptered in. Residents and workers getting on and off Mass Pike exit 13 will deal with the extra traffic as much as those in Natick. If there is an impact on local merchants, it will be felt in downtown Framingham and Framingham Center as well as Natick. ...

Sharon Gartenberg wishes that Nouvelle at Natick, a.k.a. the luxury condos above the new wing of the Natick Mall, would stop calling itself "urban living in the more pastoral settings of Boston's MetroWest suburbs:"

... This is not urban living in the traditional American sense - where one of the key attractions is fabulous shared public space, integrated into the larger community. The appeal of living on Beacon Hill or Back Bay in Boston or in Manhattan includes not only stores and restaurants, but also cultural attractions like symphony, opera, ballet and museums, as well as the architecture, parks and public streetscapes. It's being able to walk out the door and experience all the excitement that a city has to offer.

"Nouvelle," however, offers only the most materialistic of these components — stores and restaurants — in what could be considered "public" space, the privately owned enclosed mall where non-residents are allowed to enter. ...

After you read her complete rant, drive over to Framingham/Natick Retail, an interesting site chronicling the history and ongoing development of the Golden Triangle - the retail area bounded by Rtes. 9 and 30 and Speen Street on the Natick/Framingham line.