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As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could read

A note pleading with turkeys not to eat a Cambridge garden

Maria M .spotted this plea to the local turkeys in Cambridge today.

Copyright Maria M. Posted in the Universal Hub pool on Flickr.

Free tagging: 


Please do not dig up your flower beds? If they will feed nothing else, they will feed our revenge. You hath disgraced us and hindered us half a millennia, laughed at our losses, mocked our gains, scorned our nation, thwarted our bargains, cooled our friends, heated our enemies—and what’s your reason? I am a turkey. Hath not a turkey eyes? Hath not a turkey wings, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? Fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer as a human is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that. If a turkey wrong a human, what is its humility? Revenge. If a human wrong a turkey, what should his sufferance be by turkey example? Why, revenge. The villainy you teach me I will execute—and it shall go hard but I will better the instruction!

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Of course the Turkey Liberation Front accedes to the premise that this "their garden" and not our land by right. They are but collaborators in the war on free fowl. Spouting the words of those who would bow down to royalty is only right for them for they bow down before humans as though they are are betters. The humans baste us yet the TLF will not lambaste their presumption to own the very land upon which we walk, they rake away the very beds upon which would lay our eggs and cut down the trees that would give us shelter and yet instead of fighting with beak and talon this horror, this dishonor, TLF seeks permission to eat what is on the ground. Be gone ye fowl fiends. For the Front for the Liberation of Turkeys is the only true voice of the Turcia.

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These human interlopers evict us from our ancestral homes, and then rely on structural oppression to keep their boots on our necks by denying us the education that would allow us to read these signs. And yet you would instead pit us against each other, rather than rallying together against the looming threat of turkey-eating carnivores?!

(Nice work with "baste/lambaste" though)

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Turkeys in Cincinnati might not be able to fly, but they sure do in Brookline!

Funny aside, I used to have the nickname of 'the Gobbler'


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Pay attention class.

A great example of how to be funny and how to be not funny on UHUB.

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'the Gobbler' eh, well that speaks volumes.

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You know, I used to think you were a sexist, angry old man with declining mental faculties. But lately I'm starting to wonder if you're just an 11 year old raised by a sexist, angry old man with declining mental faculties.


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Portian of turkey, please.

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The quality of gravy is not strained. It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven upon the breast beneath.

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As god as my witness...https://vimeo.com/243777281
The best Thanksgiving episode of any sitcom.

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They sell repellant spays , mostly hot pepper based , that might help. Try planting hot pepper plants on the edges , one bite on the leaf and the turkey will soar back to its hideout.

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THAT is a polite note, written by an adult, on behalf of their neighbors - without threatening the life of the recipient.

It can be done!

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Leave your house! Everything is OK.

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