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The devil you say!
By adamg on Tue, 10/29/2019 - 9:20am
On Comm. Ave.
Andy is among the people who couldn't help but notice the van with the all-caps message that somebody's been driving around Boston the last few days. But is it a warning or a recruitment ad?
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Comments
The Ira Levin Bible?
n/t
what a waste
of a nice van.
Seriously
A white van with "FREE COOKIES" smeared in blood on the side would be more approachable
Why does this crazy appear to be well funded?
Maybe they rented the van?
Or is there some sort of funding for crazy out there that I haven't yet found ...
Not particularly well funded, nor waste of a good van
It's just taped to the side. Could be a big sheet of paper or a something a bit more durable. Probably cheap enough to get on line.
If I saw it in the wild I'd be tempted to rip it off to stop the nonsense and see the actually graphics that appear to be underneath.
Interesting choice to
Interesting choice to underline "PRODUCE BABIES," as if women's ability to bear children was the critical piece of news here.
I LITERALLY WAS GOING TO SAY
I LITERALLY WAS GOING TO SAY THIS
I understand...
...that Satan has some stiff competition from Mars.
Satan, Mars, Alaska
Tough choice!
But, hold on here - if Satan needs women for demonbabies, then why are "witches" generally depicted as post-menopausal?
Don't pitch underhand to us SG.
We can make our own jokes without that easy set-up.
It's just people
I've seen other signs on this van — at least I hope there's just one van — and I think the basic theory is that we are all born from Satan, every one of us, and thus we all need to be saved.
But what if our parents were "saved" — doesn't that mean we should be, too, being the offspring of people who are saved? Or does Satan re-enter the saved when they engage in reproduction? If that's true, we should all just give up on this "saving" business because it doesn't stick. Yeah, I like that idea.
Hmm.
You're positing the existence of the commutative property of Satanic possession. Interesting. The van tells us that people who reproduce (multiply, obvi) are re-introducing Satan to the world, with the newborn infant as the presumptive vessel. This seems like a clear violation of the first law of thermodynamics, but maybe the van is trying to tell us that only babies born of unsaved people are vessels for the Prince of Darkness, whose demonic influence they inherit from their parents--that would at least maintain constant entropy in the system. But in that case, why would Satan need women to birth babies, if inhabiting them is just going to dilute his presence across more people?
In conclusion, Van Driven By A Crazy Person, you're going to need to show your work, or this'll never get past peer review.
The Devil DOES wear Prada!
Unless the van has another sign on the back explaining how cats are also the Devil's helpers then people aren't getting the full story.
There is nothing more dangerous than a possessed woman with a legion of cats at her disposal**. Add in the mystical powers of wine and men can do nothing but cower with their brothers in a pub. For they know what awaits should they venture into the female's territory.
C E R T A I N D E A T H !
The most dangerous place on earth is that which lies between an angry woman and the fixation of her Hell spawned rage.
**fact in dispute by Brookline murderturkeys
“Recruitment ad”
Haha! Good one!
Strangers have the best candy
Strangers have the best candy.
Yes but he didn’t
park in the bike lane.
That said
By luring those 3 gentlemen to the van, the bike lane is now blocked.
Oh, the ways of Satan are tricky. I mean, that's Satan's van, right?
When the bike lane is on the
When the bike lane is on the wrong side of the parking, there's no way to get to or from your vehicle, help an elderly person get in, hand out free Clif bars, talk face-to-face out the window to strangers about Satan, etc without blocking the bike lane. But I guess it's fine if you never get out of your car all day and just sit there texting.
you're not wrong
but there is a difference between passing through the bike lane and just standing in it
Ok, what's the time limit you
Ok, what's the time limit you propose?
OK how about the exact amount
OK how about the exact amount of time it takes to directly cross the bike lane without stopping, adjusted for any mobility issues. It's not hard.
If this isn't pro gay sex, I
If this isn't pro gay sex, I don't know what is.
I'm no scholar of the Bible, but I have read it, and I
don't recall that particular lesson being in there anywhere. In other words, "citation needed".
As the Reverend Lovejoy once said
I believe it's somewhere towards the back...
Read a book...
look up the Cathars.
I'll Go You One Better
I read The Bible, believe in The Bible, and Jesus Christ is my savior. Having said that, I don't remember this anywhere, either.
Folks like this (if it's real) truly piss me off. They give my religion a look that doesn't do it any favors.
Suldog
The bible has its low points TBH
Like say Deutoronomy 22. That shit is fucked up and medieval and pretty much in line with what these guys believe.
To refresh your memory this is the part where 1) if you can prove your wife wasn't a virgin on your marriage night, you and your pals can/should STONE HER TO DEATH and of course 2) if a virgin gets raped by some unmarried man, his punishment is to pay her father and marry her. GTFO with any of that.
The back of the Van says
The back of the Van says something about Rev 12:9.
So that's Metal AF. but I am still confused what it actually has to do with the picture.
But do you mix your fabrics?
But do you mix your fabrics?
OK, but...
... why is there a line of people waiting to talk to the van occupant??
I can only assume they are
I can only assume they are giving directions on where to find women.
Waiting for the leader to unlock it
So they can run a sanitation cycle?
Maybe they are Satan's Cucks?
Maybe there was a planned appearance
By a Pence or a Huckabee or [insert hypocrite name of your choosing].
It's by BU
So my guess is they are talking to the guy, and taking the pamphlets, so they can have a good laugh at his expense later.
At least when I was a BU student, that's what everyone used to do to the Lyndon LaRouche canvassers. They quickly became a campus joke.
that van
has been around for years. Usually parked at Clarendon/Boylston, but I've seen it going down Beacon Hill too.
I feel like we need to maybe
I feel like we need to maybe raise the bar on who's allowed to get a drivers license.
I don't want to question the
I don't want to question the bible, but wouldn't Satan also need gents then too? I mean, I don't know precisely how babies are made, but I think there is some role for the dudes too.
Satan's Parthenogenesis
Add it to the list of metal band names.
That tape is bound to leave a
That tape is bound to leave a mark..
van with the all-caps message
Yeah, that was my main takeaway: that it was all caps.
If he replaced Satan with Satin
this would be a more interesting advertisement
The worst part?
That someone would spend the time and money to create such a long, detailed message that, in the end, is still completely unclear.
Ugh, there's more on the back, as shown
elsewhere on that Twitter thread. It goes, [ahem]:
"THE BIBLE TEACHES REV 12:9 THE PEOPLE OF THIS WORLD ARE ALL DECEIVED BY SATAN. YOU ARE LOST IN SIN."
Points for spelling if not knowledge of where the Caps-Lock key is. The citation checks out, too. Revelations 12:9: "And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him."
The messaging is ambiguous at best, but he has the whiff of a classic incel, raging against the ladies because they won't give him the time of day and so must be allied with the devil.
Lost in Sin
Well then. Just sing Amazing Grace and be done with it.
Or this:
Aw, cut the guy some slack, willya
Look, I keep HITTING THE GODDAMNED CAPS LOCk key by accident myself and then i start tyPING IN CAPS UNtil i realize it and maybe his keYBoard is just designed by Satan, i'M SURE mine is. Hellfire and damnation, y'know?
I think I see the driver.
It’s the Church Lady!
Rosemary's van
Its a promo for the another sequel to Rosemary's Baby!
Wouldn't this mean that the
Wouldn't this mean that the guy (let's all just admit it's a guy) has also has the spirit of Satan enter him since he was produced by a woman?
Maybe he was produced in a lab, like
an Impossible Burger.
Reminds me of...
Rosemary's Baby.