Don't be such a Noel coward

The Globe has activated its Severe Weather Cliche Command Center to warn us that Hurricane Noel is "churning" up the East Coast and is expected to "pummel" Cape Cod and the Islands, where mariners are even now "bracing" for high seas and "scrambling" to secure boats. It's a good thing it's only a fall Nor'easter, because otherwise, Old Man Winter might be getting ready to land a roundhouse punch as he blankets us with tons of the white stuff, leaving traffic across the region snarled and local residents scrambling to buy essentials such as milk, bread and eggs.

Channel 4 advises us to expect a "glancing blow" from the storm, but has yet to elevate the French Toast Warning Level to red.