A guy gets pissed at Bostonia Rantida when she refuses to take a bottle of water from him, no matter how many times he insists, while she's getting up from some sunbathing on the Common.
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got that backwards, chief
By anon
Thu, 07/10/2008 - 7:57pm
A guy gets pissed at Bostonia Rantida when she refuses to take a bottle of water from him
The guy was pushy, but check out the rage from the Bikini Bimbo:
He started walking over. Fuck. Just be cutting through the grass. Fuck. Too close to me for that. Shit. [...]
but holy Christ, can't a person turn down water from a stranger in a fucking park? And he looks pissed that I turned down this water, which makes me feel like an ass, but also pissed! Like, he has no right to be angry that the RANDOM girl in the camo bikini (with HEADPHONES on, I might add) turned down his offer of water! What the hell! I hate people sometimes. And why am I such a goddamn freak magnet, also? Sigh.
Like, ohmygod, a COMMONER dared speak to her!
I don't think it's so much
By anon
Thu, 07/10/2008 - 9:07pm
I don't think it's so much that a commoner talked to her, it's that he did not accept her refusal. Perhaps you should reread the entry.
And why am I such a goddamn
By sheenaspleena
Thu, 07/10/2008 - 10:09pm
And why am I such a goddamn freak magnet, also?
maybe the camo bikini attracts them?
strange to bring a bikini to work & sunbathe while on break.
Well...
By Jiffywoob
Thu, 07/10/2008 - 10:34pm
I don't think wearing a bikini under one's clothes is strange. It's no different than a bra and underwear, and taking your break by sunbathing is not out of the ordinary.
If I were female, I'd do that very same thing. Unfortunately, I am male, so have to settle with wearing a speedo. It's strange that no one ever offers ME water. :-)
the common is a public
By sheenaspleena
Thu, 07/10/2008 - 10:52pm
the common is a public place, with not very many people in bikinis.
if someone doesn't want attention from strangers in a public place, don't stick out like that - go to a beach!
bathing suits are a bit different than underwear - thicker, less breathable...
Some of the posts seem like the people making comments weren't directing them at her, she just interpreted them as directed to her. But if it makes her uncomfortable & paranoid, again, why the bikini in the common? that's f-ed up.
ie:
The other day I was walking to a convenience store near work. Skirt, heels (maybe not even, could've been flip flops), T-shirt. Same as it ever was, outfit wide. And it was work appropriate, so it wasn't even a short skirt.
Some cab driver is helping someone out of his cab a bit ahead of me, and after they're gone and I'm past him he says "Damn, that is why I LOVE this job!" and then let's out a gutteral "YEAH!"
(it sounds to me like ther driver could have gotten a big tip & yelled that to himself; or gotten no tip at all and was sarcasticly yelling that to his fare)
Men are socialized to make cat calls at women, and I think they think it's mostly harmless or just another way to show off the old masculinity, but I don't think anybody who does it realizes how threatening it is, especially when it comes from a group and I'm alone -- or when you're young and the males who are harassing you are significantly older.
(it's a theme)
There's that old stereotype of wolf whistles and come-ons that seem to radiate from construction sites, but can I just tell you that I think it's crap? ... Yeah, when I walk by them they sometimes give me a look, but so what, I look great in a skirt. I can't even remember the last time I've walked past a job site and felt creeped out; I honestly don't think it's happened to me.
(or an obsession)
Wow, what a bitch. Just take
By anon
Thu, 07/10/2008 - 11:02pm
Wow, what a bitch. Just take the damn water and throw it away later.
Why is universalhub linking to this crap?
Touchy?
By adamg
Thu, 07/10/2008 - 11:08pm
I linked to it because it provides a different perspective than one I've ever had, i.e., something like that has never happened to me, unless you count Moonies and LaRouchies and their ilk. I find stuff like that interesting.
But to answer your first point, why should she have to take the water (and then figure out what to do with it), regardless of the guy's intent? She kept telling him no and he kept pushing the thing at her. Enough, buddy, leave her alone.
sheesh.
By single white no...
Fri, 07/11/2008 - 12:11am
Being a (normal looking, not fat, not harelipped) female who's taken lunch on either the common or the public garden nearly daily in clement weather for over ten years, I'd have to say that maybe, just maybe she attracted the negative attention BECAUSE she was sunbathing on the common in a camo-patterned bikini. How normal and not attention-grabbing is that?
(captcha term = gar)
Do you really expect me to
By Dave
Fri, 07/11/2008 - 12:21am
Do you really expect me to believe that you've never been sunbathing in a camou bikini and had to spurn the advances of a guy who approached with possibly lecherous intent and offered you water?
Mmm, no.
By Single white no...
Fri, 07/11/2008 - 12:34am
Actually, no. I have been hit on by Moonies next to the lagoon in the Garden in office attire, though. Gave them the name and phone # of a deadbeat ex-roommate.
Check the indentation... I
By Dave
Fri, 07/11/2008 - 2:12am
Check the indentation... I was replying to Mr. G., who claims that nothing like that has ever happened to him. Yeah, right.
I don't look good in camo, sorry
By adamg
Fri, 07/11/2008 - 7:47am
And I burn too easily in the sun.
OK, something like that did happen to me, once, a long time ago, as a teen, when a pervy, skeevy guy tried chatting me up and getting me back to his apartment in the Bronx while I was waiting for a bus. But he didn't try to give me water; just his phone number. And at the time, New York had plenty of trash baskets.
Etchings
By Gareth
Fri, 07/11/2008 - 8:00am
Don't tell me he was eager to show you his etchings...
Because...
By Gary McGath
Fri, 07/11/2008 - 12:32pm
Perhaps because people like you who think that anyone who doesn't accept the attentions of strangers is a "bitch" deserve a good spit in the face now and then. I'm not female, but I've had to develop the art of ignoring people -- beggars, canvassers, sellers -- just to get through Harvard Square. I suppose it makes me a "bitch" that I don't pay attention to every one of them and accept all their free samples.
crud happens, bikini or no
By lynn
Fri, 07/11/2008 - 5:25am
hmm,
see, I read that and went, 'man I can relate.' See I used to go see bands all on my female lonesome since none of my friends had the same taste in music.
I'd go, dressed normally in street clothes (and really, ffs does it actually matter?), mind my own business (ie not strike up conversations, not look around making eyes at people, just stand in the crowd enjoying the show), yet still have men, often much older men, try to press me to let them walk over to the bar, buy me a drink that's invariably an open container, and bring it back.
I always found that to be quite scary, and confusing that they were offended when I repeatedly said no.
Absolutely agree with the
By anon
Fri, 07/11/2008 - 9:37am
Absolutely agree with the above. That's happened to me at shows. Also, I've often sat out no Cambridge Commons alone during lunch (and no, I wasn't in a bikini, but in work attire) and had men approach me. Telling them I wanted to be left alone wasn't enough. I had to leave in order to have my lunch alone.
Serious Question For The Women Who Complain About Being Approach
By Suldog
Fri, 07/11/2008 - 1:03pm
Do you NEVER want to be approached? Or is it who is approaching you that you don't like?
Seriously. It has been standard operating procedure between hetero men and women, for quite some time now (eons), that the man approach the woman and see if she might be interested in whatever.
(If the woman approaches the man, believe me, the man is usually quite flattered and happy, but that's not how it usually goes down.)
So, are we men (and I include myself in this only for the sake of the argument - I'm very happily married) supposed to never approach a woman, as we've been doing for years (and were given to believe is the norm) and instead wait for women to approach us?
Or is it just those who are "too old" or some other disqualifier (that they may have no way of knowing before being rebuffed) who should stay away, while all the good-looking, well-off, sexy, or whatever other "good" men can approach all they want to?
Seriously. I'm confused. It seems as though some women expect men to read their minds.
(And, yes, I realize that the original thread involves a woman rebuffing an advance but being repeatedly advanced upon. I understand the problem with that. It just seems like some here have advocated no advancement at all, ever. Am I reading incorrectly?)
Suldog
http://jimsuldog.blogspot.com
Funny that you ask that, I
By anon
Fri, 07/11/2008 - 2:22pm
Funny that you ask that, I was just thinking about this today. As it so happens I was approached today while on my lunch hour. And in my mind (which no, he could not read) he was way too young for me.
You're right I don't NEVER want to be approached and it certainly isn't fair to expect anyone to know that beforehand.
I have to think about this more and will probably just email you with my thoughts.
I would rather not detract from the original post anymore, as you noted, she REPEATEDLY rebuffed the advance, and my post didn't have as much to do with being able to take "no" as an answer.
stranger danger
By Lissa Harris
Fri, 07/11/2008 - 3:09pm
Obviously, people are going to have different opinions on this. But I'll take a stab at it. Feel free to add.
Unacceptable behavior:
Unsolicited offers of food/drink/water/candy/etc., unless you are at a bar, where such behavior is expected, and subject to more or less clearly defined rules of etiquette.
Come-ons on the T.
Talking to the pedestrian/biking ladies while driving real slow alongside in your car/scary windowless van.
Offering to help carry stuff inside somebody's front door.
Anger upon being turned down.
Indicators of general sleaziness:
Persistence.
Asking if you can photograph her.
"Are you ladies alone?"
Odds of a woman you crossed Boston Common to talk to because you liked the cut of her camo bikini dropping her sunscreen immediately to go have a look at your etchings, even if you are George Clooney:
0.0000000034%.
Foolproof pickup line, according to Mike Doughty:
"Hey. Do you like robots?"
Behavoiral Guidelines
By Suldog
Fri, 07/11/2008 - 4:09pm
Lissa:
"Hey. Do you like robots?"
Definitely a winner!
For the most part, I think the things you list are reasonable to expect (or not expect.) I do have a question on a couple, though.
Why no come-ons on the T? I assume you're not just talking about unsolicited gropings. Is it the captive audience part of the equation? If you turn him down, you still have to keep riding to your destination, but now it's an uncomfortable situation? I can understand that. But, any other reasons?
I can understand the reticence towards letting a stranger inside of your house, but some men of a certain generation and older might see someone (male OR female) struggling with something heavy and offer to help, no ulterior motive. I'm just saying.
Finally...
"Odds of a woman you crossed Boston Common to talk to because you liked the cut of her camo bikini dropping her sunscreen immediately to go have a look at your etchings, even if you are George Clooney:
0.0000000034%."
Until that becomes an absolute 0%, somebody will keep doing it :-)
Suldog
http://jimsuldog.blogspot.com
continuing education
By Lissa Harris
Fri, 07/11/2008 - 8:36pm
Re: the T: Isn't that enough of a reason? Also, for odds of such a strategy succeeding, see Item No. 3.
Re: carrying stuff inside the house for a total stranger: There is a book on how not to get raped and/or dismembered called "The Gift Of Fear," which, though unbearably tacky, has some nonetheless excellent pointers on why it is the height of rudeness for men to offer, and the height of stupidity for women to accept.
When in doubt, remember that if the Object of Your Affection isn't completely hideous, she's probably heard it a couple of times that day already. A few winning come-ons heard in the last couple weeks around the neighborhood, by a fetching young thing of my household:
"Hey. You look lonely. Hey! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEEEEEEYYYYYYY!"
(guy pumping gas yelling across the street)
"Are you a lesbian?" [No answer.] "Is that your girlfriend? What are you two doing tonight?"
(dude busy squirting cologne on self on the T)
"Mmmmm. Cheerios."
(guy on stoop commenting on passing cereal-related T-shirt)
T Pick-Ups
By Suldog
Mon, 07/14/2008 - 12:48pm
"Re: the T: Isn't that enough of a reason? Also, for odds of such a strategy succeeding, see Item No. 3."
Well, if YOU are riding the T, then that means some reasonable and nice people are riding it, right? So why not reasonable and nice men? And, if he has decided, for whatever reason, that he might like to meet you (perhaps you're reading something he likes, or - better - you're carrying a textbook on a subject he didn't think anyone but himself was taking a course in; there could be legit reasons for interest) why not?
For some, it is worth pursuing. As evidence, I give you...
http://www.isawyoutoday.com/
It's a site where folks who spotted someone they fancy, on the London Underground, can see about hooking up :-)
Suldog
http://jimsuldog.blogspot.com
sure facts
By anon
Fri, 07/11/2008 - 11:09pm
Odds that a woman in a bikini will be checked out by people around her - 100%
Odds that a woman dressed in a bikini in a place where people don't typically wear bikinis will be approached by a guy she's not interested in - 100%
Odds that this is attention-seeking behavior - 100%
Odds that she'll complain about it because she doesn't want to seem like she's attention seeking/being an exhibitionist - 100%
Odds that a woman wearing a bikini in the middle of the city and complains about unwanted attention will be considered a nut case? 100%
robots
By sheenaspleena
Fri, 07/11/2008 - 11:23pm
ha! someone used that line on me, but I thought he was just a freak and smiled, and walked away. I didn't realize it was a pick up line.
Do you NEVER want to be
By anon
Sat, 07/12/2008 - 2:22am
yes. never ever want to be approached. fuck off, leper boy, we're not interested in your poisoned water or tainted touch.
any pics?
By bostnkid
Fri, 07/11/2008 - 11:05am
id really have to see the bikini to comment.
Pfft
By adamg
Fri, 07/11/2008 - 11:19am
If you must, go to Google, type
into the search box, then switch to Images and you'll get an idea of what camo bikinis look like. OK, so I checked first; wouldn't want to steer anybody the wrong way ...
very nice
By bostnkid
Fri, 07/11/2008 - 11:49am
i liked the wicked weasel bikini.i would really want to give her some water.
How'd the guy even see her
By Dave
Fri, 07/11/2008 - 11:34pm
How'd the guy even see her in the first place, what with her wearing camouflage and all?
I wonder how many people
By anon
Sat, 07/12/2008 - 12:12am
I wonder how many people took pictures of her with their cell phones when she wasn't looking?