Why I will never stop writing

Well, I guess word got out that I was accepted by The Boston Globe Sunday Magazine. I guess it got out, because I got signed up for a new porn web site. I also received an email saying I had ordered a book, the “American Encyclopedia” and needed to send my pay pal information to pay for it. I ordered no such book. Oh, and I got the report back on the trace which had been put on my phone. Guess what, I do not recognize the number, but it's a Newton number. Now I don't really know anyone in Newton. Well I know of someone - how did she put it, on the periphery.

I don't know what to do here. Do I try to get him to see the proof and understand what is going on? Or do I just give up, and realize that the simple fact that this has been going on for so long it, can only prove he is just as responsible for the harassment as she is.

Should I call a mutual friend and ask for assistance, show him the information I have and use him as a go between. Should I publish the information on the web and let the trolls in the blogger sphere go after them for me. Part of me wants to see some kind of punishment for the behavior. A greater part of me just wants it to end, and for me to be left alone.

But doing nothing is no longer an option. It has gone on way to long, for that to be an option. But I don’t know exactly how to move forward at this point. Is moving forward even an option here? Does instantiating contact mean anything, to me? I don’t want the contact I have now, so additional contact would be counterproductive. But just ignoring the harassment, being ‘bigger’ then they are, is not working.

I figured at some point they would get bored. I figured wrong, very wrong. As best I can figure, any time I exceed, succeed at something it is seen as an affront to them. Thus worthy of being assaulted, harassed, bewitched, bothered, bewildered, and other wise made to suffer for my success. Yet, I don’t write as an affront to anyone. I have been writing down my thoughts on a regular basis for a long time. I find it enjoyable, therapeutic, relaxing, mind expanding. I am able to go back and relive some exciting and exasperating times in my life. Thanks to my writing, I feel I have an anchor in a world full of changes. I need that anchor, need it too much to stop writing just to please two people who dislike me so strongly.

Is there a hope I will become stressed out again, start hurting myself again, start pigging out and regain the weight I have lost. Can my recent improved mental health be that bad on outcome for them? Am I not allowed to be happy, to move on from what was an unhealthy relationship for both of us? Or is this in some strange way, his attempt to contact me, to keep me thinking of him? Is he unable to let go, even though the ending of our relationship was at his incentive. Yes, I made the final break, but only after being broken in an attempt to keep up with the shifting ground of his life.

Look, I have the reports; I have the hard copy documentation, would you like to see it? Do you need to see them, as my word is no longer as good as it once was? I will happily send you anything you need, to get this to end. Anything, well not cash, or a face to face meeting, but close to anything else. Mostly what I will not do is stop writing, I have always loved blogging, and this more public persona, more public platform to write is both exciting and life affirming. I feel more alive than I have in a while. I will not stop writing.