Today, we jump across the river to Cambridge for this complaint from Appleton Street:
This turkey has been pounding on this car since this morning. Scratches and dents all over. No idea who’s car it is, but it’s in bad shape.
The Cambridge Animal Commission responded:
Thank you for taking the time to report this issue. We are currently in turkey mating season. Male turkeys see their reflection in cars and often think it is another male turkey. Prompting them to go after the reflection. Unfortunately, the Cambridge Animal Commission will not deal with nuisance wildlife. If the turkey becomes a public safety issue the Department of Fish and Wildlife will come and @#$% the situation. For further information on turkeys and other Cambridge wildlife you can go to Mass.gov or Cambridgema.gov or call the Cambridge Animal Commission directly at 617-349-4376.
Ed. assumption: We're going to assume the Cambridge Animal Commission did a typo rather than expressed extreme outrage at the Department of Fish and Wildlife there.
H/t Chris D.
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Comments
That a real local
By anon
Tue, 02/25/2020 - 8:37pm
Not a Subaru/Prius ding dong.
I’d buy him a pint of cornmeal.
Hell...
By anon
Tue, 02/25/2020 - 9:27pm
... of a typo.
Auto-bleeping software gone amok?
By dirtywater77
Wed, 02/26/2020 - 10:18am
Original word was probably "assess," typo'd as "asses," which then got auto-bleeped by software.
n/t
By iamblued
Tue, 02/25/2020 - 10:28pm
Then what is it you’re paid to do exactly?
Pick up lost pets?
By anon
Tue, 02/25/2020 - 10:51pm
Pick up lost pets?
That is not exactly what they're paid to do
By Don't Panic
Wed, 02/26/2020 - 12:39am
According to their website:
https://www.cambridgema.gov/Departments/animalcomm...
They look after the animals health and well being. The turkey in question is having a good time and looks healthy so they're not trying to harsh his vibe.
A tarp would prevent that.
By cinnamngrl
Wed, 02/26/2020 - 9:27am
City Turkeys compete with invasive rock pigeons for resources. They provide more benefit to residents than on street parking. As annoying as native wildlife can be, we need them.
Any dark colored car which
By anon
Wed, 02/26/2020 - 4:56am
Any dark colored car which shows reflections better than the lighter ones will be considered a threat. Let's not wash our cars until mating season is over.
Done.
By Scratchie
Wed, 02/26/2020 - 9:11am
And done.
Does insurance cover that?
By perruptor
Wed, 02/26/2020 - 6:02am
As vandalism? It would have to be comprehensive insurance.
Farmers would almost have to
By adamg
Wed, 02/26/2020 - 8:17am
With a name like that, bum-ba-bum-bum-bum.
Yup, but you have to pay the deductible
By merlinmurph
Wed, 02/26/2020 - 10:01am
.
Not necessarily
By eeka
Wed, 02/26/2020 - 5:12pm
If you identify the perpetrator, you can file a civil suit.
“Next on the docket,
By erik g
Wed, 02/26/2020 - 5:25pm
Jones vs. Hellbird, small claims case #4869374. Plaintiff alleges damages in the amount of—wait, what’s that? Who let those birds in here? What the hell is a “Turkey Liberation Front” and why does that bird have a banner from them? Why’re they—oh god, no, it’s everywhere!”
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