with the pornstache and earring is a terrific storyteller, has probably dined out on that anecdote ever since. Awesome Anchorman hair on the remote reporter, too. My brother was once married to a girl from Portsmouth, RI; she had the exact same accent as that lady, poor soul, by which I mean both of them.

When I was growing up on the South Coast, our mysterious marine menace was the Portuguese man o' war, a fantastical, literal gasbag of a creature that looks like it just beamed in from Planet Clare, with its 30-foot-long, kid's-birthday-party-streamer-colored tentacles that produced a godawfully painful sting and giant red welts if you were unwary enough to tread on one stranded on the beach, even a dead one.

And yes, the specious folk medicine of the time counseled pissing on a fresh sting as an effective counteragent. I don't hear about them at all anymore, but in my salad days, every kid got a Boogeyman-style parental lecture about them on the way to Horseneck or Jones Park Beach.

I got close to one once, noticed some oddly pretty seaweed-looking things gently waving around my ten-year-old-feet as I was standing in about six inches of water. Looked up, saw that weird big soap-bubble with the Spanish lady's fan on top bobbing 20 feet away, jumped probably three feet in the air when it dawned on me what I was looking at – no damage beyond nearly soiling myself from adrenaline. A rare micro-moment of absolute terror burned into my young brain, still vivid decades later.

Nature, man. Such a bizarre organism, not so much an individual creature as a collective of cooperative bits, drifting with the currents, no real means of locomotion, just depending on unlucky fish to stumble into its extravagant, particolored, venom-laced tail. In other words: "Ohmygawd, Jerry, it's a fahkin' AAALIEN jellyfish, Jerry! Get that stick, Jerry, poke it!"

PSA

By perruptor on Fri, 09/18/2020 - 7:29am.

The treatment for jellyfish stings is not piss, but vinegar.

Arrrrr

By Wiffleball on Fri, 09/18/2020 - 8:09am.

We be full of both on ye old Universal Hub.

It gets better every time you watch it.

By myname on Fri, 09/18/2020 - 1:55pm.

I'm a big fan of the scowling children-of-the-corn in the background that strangely look like they have adult faces on child-size bodies.

And just the location general: a gravel shore with danger sign because of passing boat traffic. But yet they drive from Fall River to swim there.

Then segway to walking in on Joey "cleaning" his leg in the bay, "how long were you bleeding in the water Joey?"

"I BLED FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF!"

And keep in mind, while it looks like it was filmed n 1987, it's actually Portsmouth, RI in 2007. That place is like the land that time forgot.

Priceless

By Ben_Quahog on Fri, 09/18/2020 - 11:23am.

Every moment of this segment made my day.

Highlights:

-"Imagine swimming mindlessly"
-the unlit cigarette
-"Grabbed her by the ass, or rear end"
-Joey Mallo's leg???
-4+ minutes of solid reporting, 10 seconds of actual investigation
-Elvis Economics

Thank you for sharing.

This should be in the UHub Video Link Hall of Fame!

By SwirlyGrrl on Fri, 09/18/2020 - 12:41pm.

Along with:
Baby Wheel Kehd
Revere Tornado "which dunks?" segment
Simpson's Boston Episode
The Town "Wicked F'n Short Version"

I'm sure there are others - Hey Adam - how about a Universal Hub Virtual Short Film Festival!

Don’t forget...

By anon on Fri, 09/18/2020 - 1:19pm.

“Here Comes the Pizza!”

it was recently brought to my attention

By anon on Fri, 09/18/2020 - 2:22pm.

that there are no clips of Dean, of Dean's Home Furniture, saying "IT'S A NO BRAINA!" on youtube. someone should rectify that immediately.

Also for boston hall of fame:

Casey Affleck's Dunkin' skit from SNL

Any Kennedy Carpet Cleaning commercial from before like 2010. the older, the better. "AWWW MUAWWW"

Also:

By Scratchie on Fri, 09/18/2020 - 4:57pm.

"I'm the mayuh of Dunkies"

And the guys who stole the Sox banner.

"We want to get a little somethin' for our troubles..."

Most of my childhood buds sounded pretty much exactly

By MC Slim JB on Fri, 09/18/2020 - 1:11am.

like this guy, with excruciatingly similar patter. This clip is in my pantheon of Most Charmingly Dumbfuck Masshole Moments ever, I mean, evah. Every modestly-clutch Bruins play on TV got a similar Oh-my-fahking-gawd-do-you-fahking-beLEEEVE-that-Chommie? treatment, repeated twenty times in case you didn't get the point the first nineteen times. But this is the gold standard.

We almost forgot: Today is Baby Wheel Day!

IT'S A FAHCKIN TUNA BRO! Part 1 & 2

Comments

Never forget the ocean going creatures

That was an incredible news segment! The dude

PSA

Arrrrr

It gets better every time you watch it.

Priceless

This should be in the UHub Video Link Hall of Fame!

Don’t forget...

it was recently brought to my attention

Also:

Most of my childhood buds sounded pretty much exactly

So what is it?

Yup. A baby mola mola whale

Wheel

More specifically

Every extra

Dude I fkknn met them at Fenway and they said I cou-be

Boston harbor language

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