A fowl question

The Humane Society of the United States:

Wild turkeys have a “pecking order” of dominance and may view people or pets who act fearful as underlings, chasing them or blocking the entrance to homes or cars. If a wild turkey (or a flock of turkeys) has invaded your yard, driveway, or neighborhood, it’s important that you establish your dominance by hazing the turkey(s). It’s easy to scare turkeys away by making noises (try waving your arms and yelling or blowing a whistle), popping open an umbrella, throwing tennis balls, or dousing the turkey with water from a hose or squirt gun. A leashed dog may also be effective in scaring a turkey away.

It’s important that all members of your family (including children and the elderly) exhibit their dominance over your neighborhood turkeys through hazing in order to have the desired effect. Although wild turkeys may look large and intimidating, they are usually timid and scare easily.

During mating season (February-May), male turkeys may venture into neighborhoods looking for females to mate with. They may respond aggressively to reflective surfaces (such as windows, automobile mirrors, or polished car doors), thinking that their reflection is an intruding male turkey. In this case, haze the turkey away and then temporarily cover the reflective surface if possible.

I have found opening and closing an umbrella to be an effective way of annoying a turkey enough so that it moves on without annoying your neighbors.

You can also call Animal Control as the turkey is technically in danger as a glorified hood ornament.

Source: https://www.humanesociety.org/resources/what-do-about-wild-turkeys

If you leave him on your car and turn your engine on, he might discover that he likes the feel of a vibrating car under his butt. Then you will never get rid of him.

Question:Why did the baby cross the road.
Answer: it was stapled to the chicken.

Magoo

There is a rafter of turkeys that lives a few blocks away from me. (Well, there are lots of rafters in my neighborhood. This story is about one of them.) I've learned the take the curve on their street slowly because I encounter at least one of them wandering around in the middle of the road. The other day there were 5 of them. They did politely get out of my way however. I said hello as I usually do when I pass them.

Invite it home for dinner

What is the etiquette?

You can't move/remove something that's obstructing your ball. If the turkey won't agree to move and it's an unplayable lie, you'll have to drop a new ball within two yards and take a one-stroke penalty.

MGL clearly and specifically states that all turkeys must be removed from the outside of your car before putting the vehicle into motion, as they would otherwise create a distraction for other drivers.

This is not WKRP in Cincinnati. These turkeys can fly.