Doug the Bug!

Everybody see the ridiculous hand-painted signs for increasingly perennial candidate Doug Bennett (this time running for Sheriff) all over the city during the recent election season? As if it weren't enough that we had 97 City Council candidates and slightly fewer Mayoral candidates, Doug decides to add his finger-painted shards of discarded construction waste to people's yards, fences, houses, but convincing them that he's a). a Democrat, b). already Sheriff and, c). a legitimate candidate -- none of which are true. (Remember he was running for John Kerry's Senate seat earlier this year?!? OurCampaigns.com lists him as Republican: www.ourcampaigns.com/CandidateDetail.html?CandidateID=125045 and he ran as a Republican for the Cape and Islands Senate seat‎). Doug flip-flops his party as much as his issues - like he's still some zany surfer dude on the Cape Cod beaches! It doesn't say much about a candidate if he changes core-issues and party affiliation with the wind. Well, it does say one thing pretty loudly...

Well, those ill conceived green and yellow monstrosities were flying all over the city with last night's wind. The one in Adams Village was crashing into cars off Gallivan Blvd, and they were blowing across the street on Broadway in Southie, Monument Ave in Charlestown and Hyde Park Ave. Adams Street in Dorchester was also the scene of a zip-tie malfunction when a discarded and finger-painted door of Doug's blew into traffic and nearly caused at least two accidents before a concerned citizen of the neighborhood risked the legendarily litigious Doug the Bug's wrath to haul the beast out of the street and secure it behind a line of trash barrels (where I can personally attest it looked quite at home).

Remember when Doug told everyone he was a Democrat and ran for the D3 City Council seat? Door knocking shirtless and unkempt and even wandering un-invited into back yard barbecues . Before that he was running for Citywide City Council in 2008 and he was taping his scissor-cut, self printed fliers to people's doors and when you pulled them off, you likely pulled off a chuck of paint with them. Well, now you can relive some scene out of Twister, where an old door (painted green and yellow like the opening credits of some creature double feature) blows furiously across the street in front of your car when you're just trying to get home to watch the Pats game.

If crappy zip ties and legendarily poor sign strategy are hallmarks of Doug's administration as, well, whatever he might someday get elected to (Selectman, City Councilor, Senator, Sheriff...) I think that's the strongest and least delusional campaign message he could possibly send. Running for a public safety job? Why not go all cuckoo ego-crazy and put finger-painted signs up all over the city a year before election for Sheriff, in the middle of a massive election season for the city and let everyone know you're a gadfly! Then for good measure, endanger public safety by getting the crappiest K-Mart zip ties still on the shelf at National Wholesale Liquidators and leave the old painted doors, panels and tv boxes up for a year in all kinds of weather.... until they blow across traffic in a predictable New England winter wind.

Maybe the wacky signs are all apart of Doug's new campaign Strategy, summarized on his website: "As Sheriff, I will pursue cost effective ways through peaceful methods to lower crime in our communities. The approach that I will develop is called the Crime Deterrence Posse. This concept to fighting crime is based off of Counterinsurgency Tactics that are today used by the military in conducting police activities overseas specifically in Iraq and Afghanistan."

Maybe it's me, but Doug doesn't seem to understand what it is that the Sheriff actually does, which is not law enforcement, except within the custody centers that the Sheriff oversees. It's care and custody of those folks in our community who've been sentenced to county jail time or are awaiting sentencing for a more serious charge.

Here's one thing that Doug the Bug's Crime Deterrence Posse can do to immediately improve the public safety of our neighborhoods: Get those hideous signs down before the next winter wind blows them across have the streets in Boston and someone's family gets hurt or worse in a car wreck trying to avoid the careening debris that so excellently exemplifies your past and present political career (http://www.ack.net/Bennett122905.html).