WBZ has the latest on the black bear that has been ambling around Concord of late - and includes this advice should you find yourself mano-a-paw with the bear:
They are advised to talk to it calmly while backing away.
Talk to it calmly? Unfortunately, WBZ fails us and doesn't specify just what we're supposed to say as we calmly talk to the bear. Whisper sweet nothings? "Hey, how 'bout that Gronk!" What?
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Ask it about the pope.
By perruptor
Wed, 06/21/2017 - 6:12am
Suggest that some NH teenagers need a talking-to.
Remind it of the 2nd Amendment.
Bears all know that one.
By jmeltzer
Wed, 06/21/2017 - 10:49am
They know their rights.
Remind it that there are
By dd808
Wed, 06/21/2017 - 6:50am
Remind it that there are "pick-a-nik" baskets in the neighbors yard.
Easy. Explain to said bear the importance of
By bulgingbuick
Wed, 06/21/2017 - 8:07am
stenography and begin to provide the bear with a list of every candidate for municipal office in the Commonwealth. The bear will run, run away.
Give it a keytar
By jmeltzer
Wed, 06/21/2017 - 8:24am
Or, better, a bass or a drum set. The bears are getting the band together!
NBC Providence did it better
By anon
Wed, 06/21/2017 - 8:34am
I thought this was standard procedure for handling bears...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qWBcm4kaPFo
Bruins
By downtown-anon
Wed, 06/21/2017 - 8:54am
kin and all. And maybe ask for suggestions on how to get them back on track.
Look,
By SamWack
Wed, 06/21/2017 - 9:01am
don't take this personally, but your life is a mess. All you do is sleep all winter, shit in the woods, and shamble around the suburbs looking for handouts. You need to get your act together. Shape up. Find some honest work, like your cousin with the keytar. Write a book. Run for congress. You've got your whole life ahead of you, man. Don't waste it.
Enough with the slurs!
By Gary C
Wed, 06/21/2017 - 9:04am
When speaking to a BEAR, it's best not to denigrate them by calling him a "man". Always use a term of high praise, such as "Yogi".
don't take this personally,
By Senator Bare
Wed, 06/21/2017 - 9:29am
While they would obviously fit in with congress, how is that considered "honest" work?
You can still retain your integrity
By SamWack
Wed, 06/21/2017 - 10:52am
as long as you lose.
"I am but a simple bear speaking truth to power. I know your troubles and feel your pain. I have often been hungry. I am homeless, and naked., and poor. I cannot even speak, except in the comments section."
hey bud, i love keytar bear...
By King.of.Brighton
Wed, 06/21/2017 - 9:36am
...and I'm def not from New Hampshire.
Hey bear
By extra88
Wed, 06/21/2017 - 1:52pm
Do you listen to the Invisibilia podcast? Do you want to eat a pecan from my mouth?
"How Not to Think About Bears"
By essteess
Wed, 06/21/2017 - 4:16pm
Op-ed piece by Pamela Druckerman from about two years ago:
""The book recommended speaking to the animal in a firm monotone...A neighbor claimed to have scared off the mother bear and cubs he met in his driveway by announcing, 'Stop! I am president of the Homeowners Association and I will fine you if you hurt me!'...I made my 6-year-olds practice holding their backpacks above their heads, staring at the ground, and stating, 'Go away bear, I’m in first grade.'”
More here:
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/08/20/opinion/how-not...
If there is a bear
By SwirlyGrrl
Wed, 06/21/2017 - 5:07pm
Classic bit of fearmongering in politics:
[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpwdcmjBgNA[/youtube]
"Bartender!"
By essteess
Thu, 06/22/2017 - 1:44pm
"There's a bear in my beer!"
(from a 1980 "Doonesbury" strip)
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