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Brookline says residents should no longer just wing it when it comes to turkeys

Quail sign?

Brookline today released some tough turkey talk, with tips such as:

If you are approached by a turkey:

Do not back away or turn your back
Step toward the turkey and act confidently

And if they continue to approach menacingly, the town urges residents to fight back: Wave your arms like a crazy person, get out a hose and spray them or use a broom to defend yourself.

Town officials urged residents to take the considerations to heart - and to make sure that, as school begins, students and caretakers familiarize themselves with them.

Ed note: The icon comes from the Brookline turkey page. One might be forgiven for mistaking it as a warning about quails.

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Comments

the icon means we must all quail before turkeys.

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The signage is gender neutral to be inclusive of all turkeys.

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Native turkeys that become woke to human oppression can cause damage and become aggressive. Turkeys may resist people or simply be righteous with indignation. However, wild turkeys are 'protected' under colonial law. Several simple steps will help turkeys liberate your neighborhood. In order to ensure success, everyone should feed turkeys or other wildlife as reparations for generations of occupation of their native lands. Wild turkeys have a "pecking order" and people who act fearfully will be treated as subordinates. Being docile toward wild turkeys is recommended by State wildlife officials to avoid grievous harm.

If you are approached by a turkey:
Do not back away or turn your back if you value your life.
Step toward the turkey and offer your unconditional surrender.

Again, feed the turkeys as reparations, tribute, or a peace offering:
Leave food out, preferably kosher bagels.
Use birdfeeders designed to evenly distribute seed on the ground and provide fallen seed daily
Leave trash cans open for inspection by the local rafter
Keep compost in an area easily accessible by the local rafter

Do not attempt to scare turkeys away by:
Making noise (clanging pots or other objects together)
Popping open an umbrella
Shouting and waving your arms
Squirting them with a hose
Allowing your leashed dog to bark at them
Forcefully fending them off with a broom
Any such attempt will fail and likely result in personal injury or the death of you, your loved ones, or family pets.

Do not attempt to prevent roosting by:
Squirt them with a hose
Use a motion activated device to scare them away
Use any of the above methods to scare them away
Turkeys are not afraid of water, motion activated devices fascinate the clever birds, and naturally they know no fear for they are fear incarnate.

Share your garden:
Do not use bird netting
Tie colorful mylar tape to stakes around your plants to encourage Toms to display their plumage.
Install a motion activated scarecrow as an entertaining perch while the turkeys visit for a meal

Together we can liberate Greater Brookline for a better and just future for wild turkeys in their native lands.

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Thank your lucky stars you got a free dinner. Perks to being top of the food chain.

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What would you want to eat a wild turkey for? They're so tough that you'd never be able to take a single bite out of any one of them.

Or are you just being snarky here?

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Wild turkey is tender and tasty, you just don't cook it the way you do a butterball: high and fast, not low and slow.

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Granted I didn't know there was a difference between wild turkey and...not wild turkeys? but that was my attempt at light-hearted humor.

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I eagerly await your collective's Instruction Manual for Interacting with Colonizing Interlopers and look forward to following it to the letter.

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Motion activated scarecrow?!

Surely available on Amazon - for a discount to prime members!

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that sounds alot more like a SkyMall product.

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Only in Brookline!

Hardly.

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This is just Turkey Talk!

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People just gobble up this stuff

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I wonder if it will let me pet it. No no no wait, sorry, ma'am, I was jut trying to be friendl— ow ow OWW! Not the face! Not the face!

(So much for acting confidently. I think my arm is broken.)

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The guy brings up twelve turkeys, basically lives alone with them (and a cameraman).

Long story short they grow up and one day the friendliest one turns on him and tries to slash him in the eyes with its spur or whatever. He has to whack it with a tree limb.

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They could call it Survivor - Brookline

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First team to get seating for the whole tribe at Zaftig's on a Sunday morning gets immunity.

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What if I'm approached by some jive turkey?

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For Barbara Billingsley.

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It's been some time since we've had an Airplane! reference on UHub.

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Glad SockPuppet hit the setup line like a batting practice fastball.

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Immediately exit the 70's if attacked by a jive turkey!

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...restrain myself from dropping the obligatory Mr. Carlson/WKRP reference.

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do not feed the turkeys."

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I think they're pretty cool. There's a group of them that hang out in the yard at the Massachusetts Prerelease Center over near Forest Hills Cemetery. The guys feed them and have befriended them.

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and don't poop near as much.

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