Massachusetts State Police issued a statement today:

Today at 10:29 am, Troopers from the State Police Barracks in Springfield responded to reports of cows walking on Route 91 South, near Exit 8, in Springfield. Upon arrival, the Troopers located two heifers, estimated to weigh approximately 500 pounds each, walking in and out of the travel lanes. The investigation revealed that a latch on a trailer that was hauling the animals to Enfield, Conn., had become dislodged. The cows then escaped into slow-moving traffic.

To ensure the safety of the motoring public as well as the safety of the animals, Troopers subsequently shut down Route 91 South in order to remove the animals to a safe location.

Thanks, David!

Because if you're arrested and convicted, your local district attorney might feel compelled to issue a press release with a headline reading something like: Cookie crumbles for Dorchester drug dealer.

Also? If you attempt to dispose of the evidence by throwing the box outside, it helps if there isn't snow on the ground:

A doorway from the bedroom to a back hallway led outside to a porch; the officers looked on the porch and observed a cardboard Chips Ahoy box devoid of cookies that was on top of recent snow.

The cookie box was consistent with a sealed plastic package of chocolate chip cookies recovered in the bedroom where Ennis was found. Moreover, it was dry to the touch, as if it had been in the snow for only a short time. Inside were two large rocks of crack cocaine.

Bess Lomax Hawes, who wrote "Charlie on the MTA," has died at age 88, the Globe reports.

More versions:

Guy with accordion sings it (and provides the candidate's real name):

A cat rides the Red Line to it:

Dutch folk band in Germany sings it:

Irishmen sing it:

Southerners sing it:

The Pops get all weird with it:

Old Green Line cars provide a background for it:

No, it's not because they're letting in all that cold air. District C-11 reports a spate of housebreaks by somebody who gains entrance by pushing window air conditioners in - in the areas of Geneva Avenue and Hancock and Bowdoin streets.