Downed trees make mess of Beacon Street, Green Line

*ring ring*
*ring ring*
*ring ring*
*ring ring*
*ring ring*
*ring ring*
*ring ring*
*ring ring*

OP: "State police 911, this call is recorded, operator 564291820697hopeyoudontneedhelpquicklyanddoweactuallyhavethismany911operators1311, where is your emergency?"

MF: "Oh my god, I've been mugged, send help!"

OP: "WHERE is your emergency, sir?"

MF: "I...I...I'm right near an MBTA station...Charles, I think."

OP: "Ah, you're on the station property? I'll transfer you to MBTA police."

MF: "No, I'm near the station, not in it."

OP: "Are you on the sidewalk in front of the station?"

MF: "Uhhh....well, I was in the station when..."

OP: "Ah, hold for MBTA police."

MF: "but now I'm standing on a bridge."

OP: "*sigh*, so close. So you're not on MBTA property?"

MF: "Maybe? I'm on a bridge."

OP: "Okay, so you're on the roadway? Are you on Storrow drive?"

MF: "I'm from Noo Yawk, I don't know the area very well. It's a two lane road."

OP: "...Are you a Yankees fan?"

INTERMISSION

ACT 2

OP: "Are you a Yankees fan?"

MF: "Oh fuck no. Mets, baybee!"

OP: "Sure, buddy. So, you're on the roadway?"

MF: "No no, I'm on a bridge...over a roadway."

OP: "Oh, okay, you're on one the footbridges over Storrow. Well, let's see. Storrow is us, so maybe I should dispatch a cruiser. But on the other hand, the bridge might be DCR property, so maybe I should transfer you to the DCR. I'm not sure! Hang on a sec, let me check with my supervisor. Hold please?"

*clunk clunk*

*fumble fumble*

MF: "Sonnova bitch!"

OP: "What was that?"

MF: "I just slipped on my blood and hit my head. Ow."

OP: "You've been stabbed? Shot?"

MF: "Stabbed."

OP, Cheerfully: "Oh! Why didn't you say earlier? That makes things much easier; Boston Fire/EMS covers everything in the city. Hold for Boston Fire Department!"

"Boston Fire Department, this call is recorded, operator 2439110197109593556776934873. What is the location of your emergency?"

FINIS